


Screwed Either Way

by sheepsleet



Series: a/b/o nonsense [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alpha Katsuki Yuuri, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Omega Victor Nikiforov, yurio has a terrible crush on yuuri and no one can convince me otherwise, yuuri and yuuko are the ultimate bros
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2018-10-24 16:36:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10745613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sheepsleet/pseuds/sheepsleet
Summary: When Yuuri is twelve, he sees Victor Nikiforov win gold at Junior Worlds on the old TV at Ice Castle Hasetsu. It is, for him, a life altering event. Something deep within him, something primal, woke up and told him to chase Victor. Compete against him, skate with him on the same ice, make sure that Victor never takes his eyes off of Yuuri.In all universes where Yuuri and Victor skate, each Yuuri experiences some degree of this. Each Victor skates on, clueless and beautiful, eventually racking up gold after gold and becoming known as Russia’s own Living Legend.Unfortunately for this Yuuri, the primal thing that woke up also more or less kick-started puberty a bit early. Victor Nikiforov, wearing his black skating outfit like a second skin, adorned in crystals and with hair like starlight, is Yuuri’s sexual awakening at age twelve. Yuuri never lives this down.





	1. Chapter 1

“I still can’t believe it,” Yuuko confides to Yuuri, a small grin on her face as they watch the TV at the onsen. He takes a sip of the beer she had shoved at him while claiming that no one had to know he was breaking his diet. “Victor Nikiforov. In Hasetsu. Wow.”

“Wow,” Yuuri echoes, nodding in agreement and gazing blankly at the TV. He glances over when she gleefully pats his hand to get his attention. Her grin has gone from slightly reverent to complete-little-shit.

Yuuri knows that whatever Yuuko is about to do, he will not be able to handle it with a straight face. He knows that expression on her. That expression is never good and he is fairly sure that it also led to the happenings that ended with Nishigori getting knocked up with triplets. 99% sure. The remaining 1% was Nishigori’s heat and not any sort of Yuuko-driven misadventure.

“Wow!” Yuuko mimics Victor’s foreigner drawl, stretching out the O and flicking her hair. She winks. Despite her vocal register being about six times too high and looking nothing like Victor, she does a spot on impression of him.

Yuuri, predictably, loses his shit and snorts his contraband beer up his nose and over the table. She laughs at him and suddenly it’s like the five years Yuuri spent in Detroit were absolutely nothing; Yuuri and Yuuko are still dicking around at the onsen or at Ice Castle, Yuuko still occasionally comments on Nishigori’s fine childbearing hips, there are teasing comments on Yuuri’s sexual awakening at twelve, she supplies him with beer he technically isn’t supposed to drink, and Yuuri still makes a damn fool of himself no matter what. Nothing much has changed.

A sliding door bangs open and Yuuri winces, knowing deep down inside that he’s going to be the one to fix it. Mari always passes that sort of delicate repairwork to Yuuri and he does it without complaints. It makes him breathe a little easier to repair the screens, knowing that he’s helping care for his family and keeping them sheltered. That he’s maintaining his territory. It doesn’t make knowing that they need to be fixed any easier on his mind though.

Yuri Plisetsky barges into the room looking five sorts of agitated.

“Oh!” Yuuko chirps, her face flushed with both alcohol and laughter. “Another one! Come, sit, sit! Have a drink!”

“Yes, yes!” Yuuri agrees cheerily because he’s slightly tipsy and also because he’s always followed Yuuko’s lead in social situations. “Alpha club!”

“Alpha club!” Yuuko cheers.

“UGH!” Yurio stares at both Yuuri and Yuuko in disgust. “What the FUCK?!”

Yuuri and Yuuko both blink, catch each other’s gazes, then turn back to Yuri.

“Yurio, we won’t make you drink if you don’t want to,” Yuuri placates.

“Don’t call me that!” Yuri scowls, hunching in on himself defensively.

“You’re an alpha, right? It’s recent, right?” Yuuko smiles prettily and Yuri stops looking like he’s about to try to knife Yuuri in the face. “So the smell is a bit much, right?”

“Plus the walls are thin, sound and smell travels really easy,” Yuuri nods and takes another sip of beer.

Oh, the sounds and smells of Victor in heat. He didn’t know if he could deal with that and he’d had more practice than most due to dealing with Phichit’s disgustingly frequent heats and his own equally frequent sexile to various couches in the dorm’s lounges for years now.

“Yuuri-kun’s family are mostly all betas, so they don’t have much of an issue. Poor Yuuri-kun got some sort of recessive gene, so he’s exiled himself to the common areas,” Yuuko explains and steals her beer back from Yuuri.

“There are scent dampeners everywhere and this room always smells, more or less, like feet regardless of how much you clean it. No omega scent, no matter how repressed or potent, can get through the feet smell.” Yuuri glances at the corner he’s stashed a spare futon and blankets and makes plans on creating a fort after the guests have cleared out. It would be almost like a nest, only he’d probably wake up to someone’s kid trying to steal it from him with him still inside. The little hypothetical bastard. It was _his_ nest and _his idea_ and _super fucking cool_ and would only attract the _best mate._

“It might be the scent dampeners,” Yuuko says offhand, pulling Yuuri from his thoughts, and offers her beer to Yuri.

“You know I’m fifteen,” Yuri squints at her. This is probably because the Katsukis have been adamant about not letting a minor drink. Even Victor has joined the bandwagon, commenting pointedly on the empty calories in beer and how Yuri is still competing. He's a good kid.

“If you’re old enough to be affected by Victor’s baby-making-pheromones, you’re old enough to try to forget that very experience with alcohol,” Yuuko tells him sagely.

Yuuri, for this particular event, nods in agreement. Victor’s baby-making pheromones are powerful. He’s not as delicate looking as he had been when Yuuri was twelve, but his hair still looks like starlight and he has an ass that just doesn’t know when to quit. It’s no wonder he’s so good at jumping on the ice, honestly. Adding to the fact that in order to get to his room, he’d have to pass by Victor’s baby making nest…

Well. Spare futons, tables, and arguments with small, hypothetical children are clearly the answer.

Yuri looks suspiciously between Yuuri and Yuuko, convinced someone was going to jump out and start raving about illicit alcohol, before accepting the beer and sitting down to drink with them. Look at them, all bonding together because Victor’s biology makes everyone want to get into his pants. Not that it was any different _out_ of his heat, but still.

“Oh! I need to call Mari!” Yuuri says and Yuuko glares at him.

“No, you can’t be trusted with your phone and Victor has your number,” she says decidedly, refusing to reach into her shirt to give him back his silenced phone. Yuuri doesn’t insist because he is no longer a hormonal fifteen year old and desperate to get some sort of action, whether it be an ‘accidental’ grope as he went for his phone or just to see if Victor has sexted him. “Why do you need to call Mari?”

“We need bedding for Yurio,” Yuuri explains, “I’m not sharing my fort.”

“Who wants to share a bed with _you_?” Yuri hisses, face red, his hackles all the way back up.

“Which is why we need bedding for you,” Yuuri placates, completely missing Yuri’s point.

Yuuko pulls out _her_ phone which Victor does have the number of but will never sext in his life because of Nishigori and his horde of children. Yuuri is actually very curious to see what sort of sexts he was sent and hopes Yuuko will be kind enough to not delete each and every single one while he’s asleep. He does want _something_ to remember Victor by once he decides that he actually does want to go back to competition and not waste time on Yuuri "dumpster fire" Katsuki. She calls a number, sets it to speaker, and sets that on the table. It rings twice before Mari picks up with an irritated ‘moshi moshi.’

“Mari!” Yuuri chimes cheerily and all of a sudden there’s an uptick in noise from Mari’s end. A lot of it sounds like increasingly desperate whines of Yuuri’s name.

Wow. Of all the times for Mari to answer on speakerphone.

He glances at Yuuko who waggles her eyebrows at him. Yuri catches his returning eyebrow waggle and gags.

“If you have some spare time, we could use some spare bedding. Poor Yurio has come to the Feet Room,” Yuuko says so Yuuri doesn’t have to and also set off Victor even more. There’s no need to be cruel, in any case.

“It doesn’t smell like feet,” Mari says instead of acquiescing and then starts yelling at Victor to shut up and if he’d wanted Yuuri to share his heat so bad, he should have brought it up _before_ he became a walking disaster of fertility and dubious legality. Victor gives an agonized whine and Yuuko glares Yuuri down.

She always had been top dog. He remains seated on his ass. At least Yuuko waits for Mari’s tirade to end before she responds with, “That’s because you’re a beta. This room _totally_ smells like feet. We’re trying to figure out if it’s just because some of the guests have some sort of foot fungus that lingered or if it’s the scent suppressors.”

“Ugh, I’ll be down as soon as I can,” Mari says in response.

 

 

“Why _does_ it smell like feet in here?” Mari says incredulously as she comes in with far superior bedding than she gave Yuuri. He was going to call favoritism and that he should have gotten the better bedding by

By

Mari smells _incredibly_ like Victor’s baby making pheromones.

“This is what we want to know,” Yuuko nods and calmly reaches out to grab both Yuuri and Yuri by the ears. She can smell Victor too, but is mostly immune because she’s clearly fucking Nishigori on the regular. Yuuri would be jealous if Nishigori hadn’t bullied the shit out of him as a kid and also if he wasn’t getting sexts from Victor, whom he’d had an awful crush on since his terrible sexual awakening.

“Ugh, dealing with your boyfriend is awful, Yuuri,” Mari groans and drops the bedding in Yuri’s lap. She grabs Yuuko’s fifth beer, still half full, and takes a swig.

“Not my boyfriend,” Yuuri says sullenly. He’d like for Victor to be his boyfriend. He’d have loved to spend Victor’s heat with him, but no, Victor had to not bring it up and then refuse to take his suppressants and leave Yuuri sexiled in the TV room of his own home. To his left, Yuri is vibrating in rage and hormones.

“He’s just so needy,” Mari complains as if that was new information. “Also he’s using your blankets and sheets as part of his nest. It was the only way to get him to shut up after you called.”

Yuuri has flashbacks to the one time Phichit did that to his bedding because he hadn’t gotten enough nesting materials. He’d ended up having to burn it all.

“The smell will never come out,” Yuuri says in vague horror. He’d have to deal with Victor-induced boners until he either burned his bedding or mated Victor and just started living in the banquet room with him. He’d still deal with Victor-induced boners, but they’d be boners that Victor himself would help take care of.

Mari punches him in the arm and Yuuri whines, instinct catching him before his brain does. He falls over, expecting Mari to attack him more because he’s the alpha and she hasn’t presented, so clearly he needs to teach her to fight for when she _does_ present.

Yuuri’s alpha instincts have trouble believing betas exist. It’s an issue he works through daily. Mari makes fun of him for it sometimes.

“The fuck,” Yuri stares at Yuuri’s crumpled form on the ground. Kid must not have grown up with older alphas.

“You smell awful.” Mari is frowning at Yuuri. “Gross. Kind of like...not fear, but…?”

“Oh, Victor’s baby making pheromones made you more sensitive to smell,” Yuuko says breezily and Yuri splutters. Definitely didn’t grow up around older omegas if he didn’t know _that._ “That’s Yuuri’s anxiety, by the way.”

Yuuri, still affected by the hints of Victor’s baby making pheromones clinging to Mari, squints up at his sister. His glasses fell off somewhere and he can’t be assed to find out where. She doesn’t look particularly enthused to continue playing and it leaves Yuuri’s drink-and-hormone addled mind confused. Honestly, he has no clue what he was thinking, leaving Hasetsu for Detroit and abandoning his family for _five years._ They have no idea how to function. He has to stay in Hasetsu and protect his family and his territory and also Victor because like _hell_ he was going to let Victor get impregnated by some strange alpha who tried to sneak into the onsen’s private quarters.

“It’s okay, I’ll protect you,” Yuuri tells Mari seriously, wrapping one hand around one of her ankles and giving a soft squeeze. “You and everyone at the onsen.” Mari settles for giving him a fairly disbelieving look.

Yuuko snorts and flicks at Yuuri’s forehead.

“The alcohol is affecting you, you should go set up your fort,” she says fondly and Yuuri rolls over onto his stomach.

“Not the boss of me,” he mumbles, protecting his soft underbelly. He glances to the side and, oh, there are his glasses. Yuri is also staring at him in disbelief. Why is he so disbelieving? Yuuri’s been an alpha for half his life, give or take. Yuuri’s been an alpha almost as long as Yuri’s been alive. Yuuri’s a _great_ alpha. He needs to say this, so he does. And then he gets up to make his fort to show how completely and utterly superior he is to them.

 

 

When he wakes up, there’s some sort of foreign growth cuddled up on Yuuri’s chest inhibiting his breathing. He has no clue how he didn’t wake up to this before, but it’s there and he doesn’t want to open his eyes to confirm that it’s someone’s lost child. At the very least it won’t be a lost child that is trying to fight him over ownership of his fort. He’s got a bit of a headache, probably from how much he drank the night before, but it's easy to ignore. He also doesn’t remember actually making the fort or how he got a chest growth, so he’s fairly sure he got shitfaced the night before. The growth shifts and then huddles closer to Yuuri. After a bit of mental preparation, Yuuri opens his eyes and is pleasantly surprised to find that he doesn’t have light stabbing him in the brain. Just from looking up, Yuuri can tell that his sleep fort is truly phenomenal. There’s also the good blanket Mari brought down for Yuri being used to insulate the space, so he has an idea as to what the chest growth is.

Yuuri looks down.

“Yuuri,” Victor sleepily mumbles, cuddling closer. “Go back to sleep. It’s sleep time.”

This was not the growth he was expecting. At the very least, Victor is clothed and no longer smelling like he desperately needs a baby fucked into him.

“When did your heat end?” Yuuri asks curiously because Victor did not, in the least, seem anywhere near the end of his heat from that call the night before. Victor simply shrugs and presses a sleepy kiss to Yuuri’s neck. He smells nice, like the scent neutralizing soap Yuuri prefers to use. Easy on omegas, strong enough for alphas, and with a fresh scent to match.

Not an answer, but whatever. He rubs a firm hand down the line of Victor’s back and Victor more or less melts into Yuuri. Victor, Yuuri decides muzzily, should always smell this content.

Yuuri is about to fall back into a dreamless sleep when the fort’s door flap is shoved open and more or less ruins everything. Squinting, Yuuri sees a panicked Mari. Well, he sees Mari’s blurry outline and smells the panic. Same difference, really.

“Clothed,” he mumbles because that’s all his brain can really think as a protest to whatever lies Mari is thinking of.

“Heats come in waves,” Mari says quickly and Yuuri’s sleepy, hungover brain has thirty seconds to process this before it realizes that _Victor’s heat wasn’t over_ and Victor had probably showered to hide any lingering heat stink _._

Victor whines at the wave of distress that overtakes Yuuri and Yuuri meets his sister’s horrified gaze. There’s a grunt and then Victor turns to glare at Mari.

“He made me a nest,” Victor says petulantly. “It’s amazing. He’s mine forever. Go away.”

Victor’s accent is a very heavy Russian, for once, and if this were any other time he’d think it was adorable. Usually his accent is nigh undetectable. Yuuri would be charmed if he wasn’t so horrified.

“You’re in the middle of a very public area that smells like feet, how can you--” Mari says in disbelief. “We had a _deal_ where you’d stay in your room if I gave you Yuuri’s blankets and sheets!”

“He didn’t come,” Victor pouts and goes back to nuzzling Yuuri’s neck to--oh, he wants at Yuuri’s scent glands. Or the bonding site. Maybe both. Shit. Mari makes a very frustrated, very strangled sound. “And so I came to find him and he made me this amazing nest. I am not offended, compared to this, my nest is nothing. And I do not mind the feet smell. I am an ice skater, it is all feet.”

Yuuri is very, very trapped. Victor is very, very determined. This is around the time where Nishigori shows up.

“So this is where you’ve been,” Nishigori says neutrally. Yuuri knows this tone. This is Nishigori’s I’m-about-to-bully-you-mercilessly tone. Yuuri spent years in fear of this tone until he realized that he could just tattle to Yuuko and Nishigori would stop. “I’ve been looking for you.”

Yuuri is not expecting the full out hissing growl to come out of Victor. He’s not sure anyone is expecting this to come out of Victor, much less Victor himself. Despite this, Victor plasters himself even closer to Yuuri and rubs himself all over Yuuri. A scent claim. Blood rushes straight to Yuuri’s head and he is not ready for any of this, not Victor willing to start a blood feud with Nishigori or the possessiveness or even the lack of an argument with a small child over proper ownership of Yuuri’s blanket fort.

And then Nishigori, the complete asshole, does something Yuuri never in a thousand years thought he ever would.

“I understand the possessive feeling,” he says conversationally, “I mean, I would too if the alpha in charge here made plans with an omega proved to be good at the whole children thing. Not too much of an age difference either.”

Alpha in charge? That would be Yuuko, even if this is Yuuri’s territory. Did Yuuko make him come? Did she predict--

Victor snarls, pure territorial omega instinct as he tries to lunge at Nishigori. Nishigori makes a mad dash toward some corner of the onsen and Mari grabs Yuuri and all but drags him in the opposite direction as Victor goes to chase Nishigori off Yuuri’s territory.

“You’re kind of screwed here either way, little brother,” Mari says as she drags him up the stiars towards his room. “We’re just going to minimize damages here and not stink up the TV room so Mom doesn’t judge us too badly.”

There’s a very loud, very distressed cry from the general area of the TV room. Victor has apparently chased Nishigori, the poor bastard, away from the onsen and found Yuuri missing. Mari stomps on Yuuri’s foot and he yelps and then does _not_ shriek as she shoves him into Victor’s room.

Yuuri has no clue what Victor was talking about with his nest because while cool, the futon fort doesn’t have near enough of the comforting feeling of _Victor’s_ nest. Though that might in part be due to how many of Yuuri’s things were smuggled in there. There were things in here that he’d thought had been lost to the lost and found gods at Ice Castle. Like, really, there were three scarves in here that he thought he’d never--

The door slams open. Yuuri winces.

“YUURI!” Victor breathes and then all but tackles Yuuri to the ground. His eyes are huge, thin rings of blue around endless pools of black. Victor is alternating between smelling him to make sure Yuuri is covered in his scent and feeling him up to both spread his scent and convince himself that Yuuri is actually there. “Nishigori _will not_ have you, I refuse, even if his hips are amazing and he’s ridiculously fecund.”

“Why do you know that word, _when_ did you learn that word?” Yuuri asks dazedly. He learned what ‘fecund’ meant because Celestino took one whiff of him in Detroit and shoved him in a ‘how to alpha in America’ seminar. It came up. Yuuri tried not to think of that week.

“Yuu-ri-!” Victor whines and tries to press even closer. His baby making pheromones are acting up and Yuuri doesn’t have any way of holding up against the sheer lust of the man who kickstarted his sexual awakening.

“Don’t worry about Nishigori, I’m not interested in him or his hips,” Yuuri muzzily tells Victor. “Also I’m pretty sure he was talking about Yuu-chan earlier.”

"Stop  _talking_ about him!" Victor grunts out and shoves his face in Yuuri's face.

Oh, wait, no that's a kiss. That is definitely a kiss happening and Yuuri should definitely respond to that. It's wet and there are teeth and honestly Yuuri has never had a better kiss, though that might be because he doesn't have very much to compare it to. It also might be due to Victor's baby-making pheromones. He isn't entirely sure, experimentation probably needs to be held, the whole shebang.

"So this is happening," Yuuri pants against Victor's lips who, to his credit, just makes a frustrated sound and starts sucking marks onto Yuuri's neck.

That's generally around the time that Yuuri more or less decides to just go with it, consequences be damned, and hope that Victor had been taking contraceptives. Screwed either way, like Mari said. He might as well enjoy it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Badadaaa cliffhanger. Which is my way of going "how the hell do I even end this at a satisfying point?" Which ended up leaving no one satisfied.
> 
> Also, haha, wow, you actually read through this disaster. I was just kind of flipping through my google docs and noticed it, thought it wasn't half bad, and went, "You know, I can totally post this." Like, I'd be eternally ashamed, especially because it is actually titled "why am i so thirsty for this concept" but whatever you know. C'est la vie. I've reached that point in my life where I'm just kind of going, "I'm going to regret this either way so I might as well do it." My fucks cannot be counted.
> 
> Also, I might continue this? I might not? I'm hella ace so I'm more or less going, "...how do sex scenes work." Like, it's a/b/o so it's kind of bullshit anyway, but still. I left it on mature JUST IN CASE I actually do write more. 
> 
> This fic is kind of like Schrodinger's cat. Schrodinger's Shameful A/B/O fic. I should really add in smut just so I could call it Schrodinger's Shameful Smut and complete that alliterative title. Maybe that's just what I should title this thing. I mean I'm already calling it The Thirst Fic in my head.
> 
> Anyway, we'll see. I'd appreciate it if you guys let me know what you think. Thanks for reading and peace out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHA SO I LIVE. I'M SURE YOU GUYS THOUGHT I WAS DEAD AND I SURE WAS. I SURELY WAS. But hey! I'm back! Kind of. I'll get more into that in the end notes, which you guys can tooootally skip.
> 
> Also, thanks to @theonceandfuturecatlady on tumblr for looking over my original draft for this chapter before I chucked it like the ungrateful wretch that I am. Also for letting me scream ideas for the new chapter at you. I appreciate that more than I can articulate.

For some reason, Yuuri wakes up with the foreboding feeling that Yuuko is going to be the cause of something awful happening to him. He usually doesn’t get this feeling—usually he gets a sort of ghost imprint of this feeling, mostly because Yuuko’s target is usually actually Nishigori and Yuuri just gets hit by the splash effect. But no, he may as well have a full-blown case of ghost-imprint hives and just where is the Benadryl? He’s allergic to all of this this waiting.

“Yuuri,” Yuuri’s chest growth all but purrs. “Stop thinking.”

“Yuuko is going to happen today,” Yuuri conversationally tells Victor in Japanese. He decidedly does not think about the turn of events that caused Victor to be acting as Yuuri’s chest growth in the first place. He firmly keeps his mind focused on his current train of thought--the destruction of everything courtesy of his childhood best friend. Victor both does and does not need to know this. He probably will not be directly involved, but Yuuri will at least have the excuse that he did tell Victor before the panic attack inevitably hits. “I’m sure you think this will blow over, but Yuuko has been a force of nature since we were children and will continue to be a force upon us long past time when she should have died. She’s never going to die.”

“Yes, the clams are allied with the seahorses,” Victor recites back carefully in Japanese, the sentence either a carefully picked and then thoroughly misremembered phrase from his Russian-to-Japanese phrasebook or something Mari taught him thanks to his blissful ignorance of the way she blatantly lies about absolutely everything ever. Yuuri doesn’t even want to know what Victor had been trying to say in the first place. He just looks down at Victor in disbelief.

Victor, who is positively radiant post-heat, is completely ignorant of the nonsense he has just babbled. His hair is sticking up at random angles, his skin is a flushed wreck of hickeys and bitemarks, and he _still_ looks better than Yuuri “my double chins have double chins” Katsuki. Although that isn’t exactly hard to do, especially when Yuuri’s illicit love affairs with katsudon and the McDonald’s near the Detroit skate club have left their marks on his body. He is softer, rounder, and much too heavy to be a competitive figure skater. Despite all that, Victor chased Yuuri and his terrible food choices and kind of did some skeevy shit with his heat which Yuuri should really not be thinking about at the moment due to Yuuko but—

“Ugh, I have to protect you now, you beautiful idiot,” Yuuri whispers to himself, the line itself from some half-forgotten fantasy from when he was barely thirteen and playing coy for the Victor in the poster above his bed that he had to scrap after a particularly rough rut. He apparently also says this in English because Victor then beams up at him, all heart-shaped smiles and sexed out hair.

“Well, I did have to chase you down and _that_ took a while, so it’s only fair you do your part,” Victor says, wriggling close to Yuuri like he’s trying to merge their two bodies into one giant mass of flesh and bad decisions while giggling like he’s a twelve-year-old schoolgirl. Yuuri’s already full of enough bad decisions without Victor adding to them. Vaguely, he wonders who ever allowed the two of them to become adults.

Yuuri doesn’t bat Victor’s hands off him like he might at some other time, stuck at some strange impasse between utterly sated and terribly self-conscious.

And in any case, a while? How impatient was Victor, anyway? He found Yuuri less than a week after that skate vid went viral.

“Not patient at all,” Yuuri snorts fondly and Victor whines like the little brat he clearly is and always has been. And isn’t that a fun discovery? The thought that the perfect Victor of Yuuri’s awful teenaged fantasies is actually perfectly _imperfect_ . Although they really do have to talk about whatever the fuck Victor’s deal was with his skeevy heat seduction plan, but Yuuri isn’t looking forward to that at all and really why does his mind keep skittering away from the _real_ problem?

These thoughts are almost enough to make Yuuri forget about his foreboding, but no amount of Victor Nikiforov can silence Yuuri’s own self-preservation instincts. It seems that at most, Victor can just make Yuuri less likely to dwell on the fact that he’s going to die a terribly embarrassing death via Yuuko. Maybe he should just go ahead and find a nice rock to hide and die under. Or a cave hidden deep in the mountains. Maybe Yuuko would never be able to find him if he went far enough away from civilization.

Yuuri tilts his head back and stares blankly at the ceiling. He really, really can’t do anything to prepare for whatever Yuuko is planning. So far as he knows, she still has his phone down her shirt and is fully prepared to put Nishigori between them as a doomed human meat shield to keep it that way. Yuuri’s already gone and fucked the heat out of Victor, hopefully without the baby attached, and she wasn’t even present once Victor went Yuuri-hunting, so it probably isn’t some sort of leaked scandal like that. He did not become Japan’s figure skating social recluse just to knock up Russia’s golden child and retire for real out of shame and Parenthood. Yuuko understood that. Probably. Yuuri is also simply not ready for fatherhood. He barely escaped being the sperm donor for the triplets back before he left for Detroit and _that_ entire situation came about because of Yuuko’s godawful alpha harem fantasies and general position as top dog. No one would expect someone so tiny to be so full of chaos, and yet there she is with about two decades worth of friendship and countless terrible decisions shaping her and Yuuri’s lives.

Yuuri pauses, rewinds that train of thought a bit.

“Oh no,” Yuuri whispers in complete horror, freezing Victor from where he’s been slowly shimmying up Yuuri’s body to probably mark up Yuuri’s neck some more. Is this more skeevy heat shit? Is it just Victor being bafflingly Victor like how when he first arrived in Hasetsu he came at Yuuri in the onsen dick first? There are a lot of things Yuuri isn’t willing to face at that moment and included on that list is a mirror and these questions.

“Yuuri?” Victor says cautiously, possibly the first thing out of his mouth that entire day that hasn’t sounded heat-drunk. The jury is still out on whether that’s a good or bad thing for Yuuri’s self-esteem.

“Yuuko has my phone _and_ she’s known all of my passwords since I was old enough to _have_ a password,” jumbles out of Yuuri’s mouth in a frantic mess.

There is no doubt in Yuuri’s mind that Yuuko even knew about his moonlighting in the sexy rpf forums as the ever popular rawmevictor69 during his time in Detroit. So far as Yuuri knew, only Phichit knew about that account and _that_ was only after he’d begged to borrow Yuuri’s laptop to write a paper because he was too lazy to get his own out. Yuuri _had_ sworn Phichit to secrecy, but he also knows that Phichit is easily bribed with hamster pictures and/or Japanese candy. Yuuko has a lot of knowledge that could ruin Yuuri thanks to that, their unfortunately shared childhood, and she also now has access to Victor. Clearly, this means that Victor finding out about Yuuri’s embarrassingly large poster collection is the absolute least least of his worries.

What if Yuuko knew about his super secret pregnancy fantasies?

What if Yuuko knew that _Yuuri_ had been the pregnant one in those super secret pregnancy fantasies? And that the entire premise for that had been some sort of weird sex pollen rule-63-specified-towards-secondary-genders prompt fic on a kinkmeme somewhere? What if Yuuko not only _knew_ about it--what if she’d _read_ it?! Even Phichit had only read it because Yuuri had been desperate for not only validation but also compliments on his grammatically correct sentences. English was hard and Yuuri _needed_ to be acknowledged! 

Then again, Yuuri had once said something similar that to Phichit’s face and then got a rant about how rawmevictor69 was known to the other forum goers as a BNF, whatever that means, and that _Skating Towards Your Horizon_ was some sort of rite of passage amongst the newbloods. Yuuri thinks that Phichit said all of that to probably make him more proud of himself because the other option was to humiliate him into submission. Mostly though, that entire rant just told Yuuri that a lot of people read his fic and solidified the knowledge that No One Must Know His Identity. He’d never live it down otherwise.

“I’m sure Yuuko wouldn’t do anything weird, Yuuuuuri,” Victor frowns.

Of course Victor would say that. Victor didn’t grow up with Yuuko. Victor doesn’t know to expect the worst of Yuuko. _Victor_ wasn’t the one threatened with _impending fatherhood_ at _almost 17_ because of stupid alpha harem fantasies and Nishigori’s hormones going haywire! Yuuri, of course, has to share this because of course he does.

Before he knows it, Yuuri finds himself pinned down under Victor. Victor himself looks uncharacteristically like he’s about to commit murder and Yuuri hates himself a little bit for how the thought of that makes his dick twitch. The fight or fuck response, not at all helpful in situations like this. He’s not entirely sure how a fear boner should make him react, so he settles rather firmly in the familiar “awkward as hell” zone.

“Do you want children, Yuuri? Because I can stop taking my birth control for my next heat. I can do whatever you want, Yuuri. Be your coach, be your mate, give birth to your children. Nishigori can’t give you that, Yuuko _definitely_ can’t give you that. Just _tell me what you want_ and I’ll be it, you’ll _have_ it.”

Victor’s expression is chilling, the room may as well have gone down ten degrees, Yuuri’s brain has thoroughly stopped working what with all the blood rushing to his dick. Really, it isn’t his fault that his next words come out unfiltered.

“I just want you to be yourself!” He blurts out. “Everything else can wait! We should think about all of that other stuff more! And probably discuss it later! When we aren’t naked! And! Covered in. Fluids. Um.”

Victor stares down at him a moment longer as if to ascertain how serious Yuuri is. Then, as if a switch was flipped, he beams and Yuuri can breathe again.

“Yuuri sure does like to play a dangerous game,” Victor murmurs into his ear, “Making me jealous between waves. But don’t worry, you’ll have me. You’ll have all of me, so much that you won’t _dare_ think of anyone else even after this wave stops, even after the next; you’ll never think of anyone but me for the rest of your life.”

There’s a brief thought that flashes through Yuuri’s mind, wondering why he isn’t more terrified that someone he’s barely known a month is this obsessed with him. That brief thought is drowned out by that awful possessiveness that Yuuri’s nursed since his Terrible Sexual Awakening at Twelve. It’s only right, that part of himself decides, that Victor is as taken with Yuuri as Yuuri is with him. That Victor wants Yuuri in such a primal, visceral way.

“Stay close to me,” Victor gasps out, feeling that awful mix of feverish and horny his heat always sends him into.

Yuuri can smell Victor’s arousal build once more, potent, pungent, like his desire for Yuuri will never leave the walls of Yutopia. He grips tight to Victor’s hips at the thought, Victor groaning at the mix of pleasure-pain from Yuuri digging his fingers into bruises he’d left from the last wave.

“Yesss,” Yuuri hisses out, letting himself get sucked into the urgency of Victor’s heat.

  


One floor down, Yuuko has settled herself firmly back in the feet room. Yurio is paler than last night, but that might be because Yuuri is conspicuously absent and also Yutopia’s walls are _really_ thin.

“Why can’t we go back to your place like last night?” Yurio asks Yuuko shakily, wide-eyed and horrified. He’s so young, not that it matters to Yuuko. Yuuri needs them.

“Because Yuuri-kun is pack, of course,” Yuuko says simply. “And we’ve gotta make sure no Outsider gets any ideas since Yuuri can’t patrol around at the moment. And last night Victor hadn’t suckered Yuuri into his nest before we left.”

Mari snorts, lounging on the floor. Between Victor’s heat and Yuuri’s Alpha Club taking up residence in the main dining area/lounge, the Katsuki family had more or less decided to just close the onsen for a few days.

“It wasn’t so much Victor suckering him in as it was me throwing Yuuri there as a sacrifice,” she admits with a grin.

“Oh? Takeshi-kun didn’t mention anything like _that_ when he came back last night with my phone,” Yuuko grins, just barely keeping the glee out of her voice.

“Probably because your husband tried to separate the two after Victor snuck into Yuuri’s blanket fort,” Mari admits and Yuuko loses it.

“What?! He didn’t!” Yuuko gasps, her eyes shining.

“Victor chased him off the property like a vengeful god or something,” Mari cackles.

“I need to tell Phichit-kun,” Yuuko says as she takes out Yuuri’s phone and unlocks it. “Yuuri-kun never will, but Phichit-kun may as well be pack as well and he deserves to know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so new chapter! Ah, I'd like to apologize to you guys if this one wasn't exactly like the first chapter. I honestly had a hard time getting back into the headspace for that, and that was after I literally wrote and had to rewrite this chapter. That was partially why this took so long to get out. I also honestly was considering never updating, but this fic got so much more of a reaction than I ever expected? Like what the hell? It was literally something I probably wrote sleep-deprived and also for funsies? But I was honestly really touched! I read each of your comments and kind of peck-typed at this for a while, but I just wanted to get to a point where I was even sort-of satisfied with the way this chapter ended up, so I did the "leave this alone for a while and come back to it" strategy. And, well, considering I'm actually publishing this chapter, I'd say that worked?
> 
> So this chapter honestly ran away from me a little bit. A lotta bit. I've more or less given up hope wrangling it. That's kind of why there was that sudden tone change towards the end and then I got suckered into the "I really want to write about Yuuri and Victor's dynamic considering their secondary genders and how the way I envision them interacts with that" hole for a while and then I went OH MY GOD THIS GOT REALLY SERIOUS BUT I WROTE SO MUCH DOWN AND I'M NOT REWRITING EVERYTHING AGAIN SO IT'S TIME FOR A SCENE CHANGE. 
> 
> Anyway, as much as I'd like to say it was just my complete dissatisfaction with my writing style and inability to STICK TO A GODDAMN TONE OH MY GOD, I have to admit that real life got in the way too. By which I mean GUESS WHO'S PREPARING TO TEACH ABROAD IN SOUTH KOREA. And before you say, "Why sheepsleet, what the fuck are you thinking, North Korea is going crazy right now and you're going to die," I have to say this: I recognize this risk and also I originally wanted to teach abroad in Japan or Taiwan, but both of those countries have really high standards and I didn't get my BA in Education when I should have OR a TOEFL certification. Instead, I got a BA in English, but luckily S Korea will take that (and only that, along with a clean slate on your federal background check) and let you teach for a year. My plan is to somehow survive a year teaching without dying and then use THAT year to get into the Taiwan teach abroad program because THEY only require that you have a full year's teaching experience along with your non-education bachelors. So at the moment I'm looking at job offers, applying to schools, the works.
> 
> So yeah. This chapter, like the last one, was mostly unbeta'd ("mostly" bc see my note at the beginning) and I'm throwing it out into the internet void before I can look at it again and hate it and decide to rewrite the entire thing. Again. So I'd appreciate it if you let me know what you think.
> 
> I'd like to give a huge thank you to the people who have commented, kudos'd, subscribed, and bookmarked this! You guys surprised me in the best way possible, mostly because I thought this fic would kind of go unnoticed. But really, you're all lovely!
> 
> And for those of you in the US, be safe if you find yourself outside during the eclipse today and decide to stare straight at the sun. Remember! You need eclipse glasses for that! You'll damage your eyes otherwise! So have fun and be safe guys!
> 
> Anyway, it's 1AM now and I feel like a weakling because I'm about to pass out, so goodnight everyone! Ah, I kind of miss the days of staying up to watch the sun rise. The joys of switching to having a job that schedules you for mornings instead of arranging classes to start in the afternoon, I guess.


	3. The Phichit Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Phichit interlude! Mostly because it was niggling at me as soon as I posted the last chapter.

Phichit has always been a morning person. It’s definitely something that helped Yuuri in college, considering Phichit more or less acted like Yuuri’s alarm clock. They’d had a good two years spent that way; depending on each other, more or less becoming recognized as an Alpha/omega pair on campus, figuring out how they could live with each other despite being so different. The only unfortunate thing is that his extended time with Yuuri meant that Phichit tended to equate a feeling of home with Yuuri. Even settled as he is back in his childhood home, he wants to live with Yuuri again. It doesn’t really feel complete without him there.

Hormones. They’re terrible. They make you have a platonic pair bond with your best friend and then leave you depressed when your friend has to go home because his dog died. Stupid abandonment issues. He knows that he’d have to deal with them eventually, but he thought that wouldn’t be until either he or Yuuri had retired.

Though from the way Yuuri had looked after Sochi, there was a good chance he _was_ going to retire.

Phichit sighs into his bowl of breakfast fruit. He can’t do very much with his urges to wrap Yuuri in five different blankets, especially when Yuuri hasn’t actually said anything of substance in any of his messages back.

He misses Detroit.

Well, actually, Phichit misses living with Yuuri. There was always _something_ when it came to him. He misses movie nights (“Phichit, I refuse to watch _The King and the Skater_ again. It’s the fifth time this month.” “Yuuri, you are _weak_.”) and cuddling in bed to watch the best movie in all existence. He misses coming back after a stressful day and Yuuri carefully covering him in his totally-regulation-not-illicit-at-all hamsters.

He’s actually still on the border on whether or not he misses the shit they went through to get contraband McDonald’s. And when he says “they,” he means “Yuuri.” And when he means “Yuuri,” he means “the clueless heartbreaker that other omegas are constantly trying to stake a claim on.” It was really so much simpler when Phichit got some random Alpha to get them Yuuri’s totally guilty pleasure. An Alpha would show up at the door with food, expecting Phichit to fawn over them for being able to provide for him, and then Yuuri would glare them down, take the bag, and close the door solidly in their face. Considering that Phichit’s heat and Yuuri’s rut tended to coincide, Phichit very quick realized that his pre-heat pheromones would bring the food and Yuuri’s pre-rut pheromones (and his frankly hilarious instincts) would keep other Alphas away.

Seriously, Phichit learned early on that Yuuri _needed_ to keep his territory scented pre-rut. He’d been pissed because he kept getting a headache from the _stench_ Yuuri had emitted and rubbed all over the doorway, so he made sure to scent over it. Considering that Phichit’s pre-heat scent was all over the room anyway (probably why he and Yuuri had their fertility days at the same time, honestly), Yuuri never caught on. He literally just started complaining about how their room never was able to hold any scent. Somehow, this turned into Yuuri prowling around the dorm for the Perfect Territory.

The Perfect Territory, as determined by a hormone-driven Yuuri, was the third floor lounge. Now, usually the lounges are considered neutral territory for all those involved. It was a public space open to both Alphas and omegas, especially those who have been sexiled by their roommates. The _third_ floor lounge, however, had The Perfect Couches. Phichit knew for a fact that they weren’t perfect by any means, but pre-rut Yuuri had a tendency of making forts. Apparently, the third floor lounge couches were the best he could get for fort building materials. Yuuri actually called the The Lounge with Acceptable Couches, but given that they were the best he had, Phichit updated the name to Perfect Couches. Yuuri had given entire rants on the subject.

This isn’t even the beginning of pre-rut Yuuri. Now, Phichit always knew he was safe with Yuuri. Their time together essentially pair-bonded the two platonically, but even before that had happened, not once had Yuuri ever tried to force himself on a heat-ridden Phichit. But the first time Phichit met pre-rut Yuuri, pre-rut Yuuri had made sure to scent Phichit thoroughly before he left the room (like he was a kid with overprotective parents!). Pre-rut Yuuri also, quite seriously, informed Phichit that he’d take care of anyone who tried to force him to do _anything_. Pre-rut Yuuri once tried to guard the door to the room for the entire week of Phichit’s heat (leading to Yuuri in rut), freaking Celestino out because a Yuuri that doesn’t show up at the rink is a Yuuri that needs an adult. And a Yuuri in rut was a naked Yuuri, so really, it’s no wonder that Celestino freaked out. Yuuri’s attempt as a guard was sweet, sure, but totally unnecessary because a Phichit in heat was liable to maul the owner of any unwelcome scent in his space.

There was a reason anyone had allowed an unbonded omega to room with an unbonded Alpha in the very first place.

Anyway, that week lead to the discovery that pre-rut Yuuri tended to lose clothes over time. Like, apparently it isn’t even a sexual thing where he’s trying to show off his hot bod to attract mates. It’s literally a Yuuri-overheats-and-thinks-clothes-are-restricting thing. There are _pictures_ of pre-rut Yuuri in various states of dress. Phichit also has pictures of a Yuuri in full-rut defending his lounge territory completely ass naked, courtesy of the bonded omega pair next door.

Alphas in the building, supposedly threatened by this show of sheer Alpha idiocy (Yuuri’s own words, which is hilarious), started trying to figure out ways to show Dominance. They made two mistakes. One, Yuuri is apparently a rather strong Alpha. It probably explains why he has such hilarious instincts. And two, Yuuri hates losing. He would rather set fire to his own Victor Nikiforov wall-shrine (which has encroached on Phichit’s territory, though he has benevolently allowed this) than _let_ himself lose. After several humiliating defeats, the Alphas of the dorm eventually came to the agreement that any turf/dominance wars had to be settled via Nerf Battle.

It doesn’t really matter what the competition was though. Yuuri murdered them. No one was going to take his territory from him. Rather luckily, the constant threat of invasion let Yuuri work out his rut aggressively rather than sexually. Phichit doesn’t really know how Yuuri would live with himself if he’d impregnated any omega in the dorm willing to throw themselves at him.

Still, just remember how fun it always was just living with Yuuri is bringing back that hollow ache. Phichit doesn’t know if he can keep pretending that he’s okay because he isn’t. He’s lonely and he hates that Yuuri’s lack of communication feels like the slow shattering of their bond even though he _knows_ that Yuuri is terrible about getting back to people. But still, what he wouldn’t give to hear Yuuri’s text tone even once more. Like, sure it was a sound bite of Victor Nikiforov moaning from that one time he starred as a guest judge on a cooking show and ate everything that clearly was not part of his diet plan, but still. Phichit could remember it so clearly from when either he or Yuuri had competitions the other couldn’t attend that he could practically hear it.

Wait. He _was_ hearing it! In real life! An actual text! From Yuuri!

Phichit scrambled for his phone. Yuuri was actually _willingly_ communicating! It was amazing! What was the first text going to be about? Was it going to be juicy gossip? Something gossipy about Victor? It _had_ to be about Victor--Victor was in _Hasetsu_ and Yuuri was _Yuuri_ so of _course_ it had to do with Victor! Maybe Yuuri had decided to let Phichit know about Victor’s bad habits! Phichit kept _telling_ him that there was no way that Victor Nikiforov was perfect and Yuuri was just anal about the smallest things. Although, well, there was also a chance that Yuuri would send a picture of Makkachin. For some reason Yuuri equated his well-being to the well-being of any dogs he comes across, even if he doesn’t feel as good as they look. Phichit is onto his tricks. In Detroit, Phichit knew more about the Irish wolfhound that got walked on campus than he did about Yuuri on any given day.

He scanned the message eagerly. There was that moment of disappointment--not Yuuri, but his childhood best friend? Texting from his phone? Man, what a bummer. But why did Yuuri’s childhood best friend have his phone?

Then Phichit actually processes the message and shrieks.

“Go back to sleep!” his sister shouts from somewhere upstairs.

Ciao Ciao, on the other hand, appears in a cacophony of bangs and crashes. His glorious hair is, for once, unkempt and out of his ponytail. Phichit finds himself taking a picture without really recognizing it, too busy shrieking in excitement. He’s going to send Yuuri _so many pictures_ once Yuuri gets his phone back.

“What? Who? Phichit! What happened!?” Ciao Ciao gets out, clearly half asleep and also trying to look more awake than he is and failing. One of his eyes is half-closed and the other is fully open. Phichit snaps another picture.

“YUURI’S GETTING LAID!!!!!”

Ciao Ciao blinks a few times and then, miserably, covers his face with his hands.

“I thought I’d have to stop dealing with this shit once you two stopped sharing a room,” he groans out and collapses into the nearest chair.

Rude. Also he clearly did not think that one through.

“EVERYONE!! MY BEST FRIEND IS HAVING SEX!!!!!!!!” Phichit hollers to the rest of his household.

“EITHER GO BACK TO SLEEP OR GO YELL AT THE RINK!” his sister yells again.

Phichit cackles madly.

“BUPPHA!” he yells. “HOW CAN YOU BE ANYTHING BUT SUPPORTIVE?!”

He grins widely at her response of a rage-filled shriek. He knows he’s going to have to run for his life soon, but still! Yuuri! Having sex! With _Victor Nikiforov_.

He _knew_ that Skating Towards Your Horizon was weirdly prophetic! He _knew!_ There was no way Yuuri's insane thirst could be anything _but_ prophetic! Like, sure, Yuuri isn't going to get pregnant anytime soon and hopefully Victor doesn't “forget” the birth control because he's desperate to keep Yuuri in his life like in the fic, but they're having sex! Yuuri is literally living the _dream_.

He goes for his phone again.

“O.M.G.,” Phichit mutters as he types it as a response. “Yuuri's. Wet. Dreams. Came. True. Get. Me. A. Pic. Of. Them. Once. They're. Done. I. Need Proof.”

Phichit has an entire community that needs validation. They’re going crazy with the knowledge that Victor! Is in Hasetsu! With Yuuri! And sure, Yuuri was totally going to be pissed off at Phichit for a while, but Phichit wasn’t the one to singlehandedly launch the S.S. Victuuri in the skating rpf fandom in the first place! Yuuri needs to own up! Take responsibility! Maybe actually interact with his own fans for once.

Phichit is so tired of fielding all the comments demanding that STYH’s sequel update. He doesn’t want to be the one to tell them that there was a chance STYH’s sequel will _never_ update. Like, even STYH was the child that was marathoned into creation one year during a particularly bad Finals Week where Yuuri had more or less just given up, decided he was going to fail regardless, and came to the decision that he may as well go out with a bang.

“It’s to be my life's work,” a sleep deprived and redbull-and-coffee fueled Yuuri Katsuki had declared. “Remember me by my shame and put the url to the fic on my gravestone. Apologize to my family for me. Tell Vicchan I love him and he's the best dog.”

He'd then somehow managed some of the best finals grades he'd ever achieved and wondered what happened that week because he'd blacked out and only remembered writing the fic. Even that was an iffy memory because Yuuri literally woke up at one point and freaked out over the way his email inbox had exploded practically overnight. Phichit, for his part, never showed Yuuri the compilation of that he'd eventually turned in as his final photography project. He'd had points docked because the raging inferno Yuuri had created of a pile of beer soaked clothing and a dried out Christmas tree (??????) he'd scrounged from somewhere (it was _May_ how did he find a _Christmas tree_ ) was “clearly photoshopped, really, I expected more from you Chulanont.” Phichit was never going to tell Yuuri about that week until Yuuri’s wedding, where he'd replace the wedding slideshow with Finals Week 2K5ever. Phichit had a _plan._

Yuuri’s childhood friend texted back with a string of thumbs up emojis. Score.

That was when Phichit heard it--the loud thump thump of his doom, courtesy of his sister.

“BYE CIAO CIAO SEE YOU AT THE RINK!”

Phichit abandons breakfast and nearly trips over himself in his mad scramble it of the house. He couldn't let Buppha kill him yet--he had a wedding to plan and a best friend to mortify!

Life was good! Life was _great!_ Phichit was going to get _all the details_ out of that boy the next competition they had together!

“Get breakfast!” Ciao Ciao manages to shout after Phichit, somehow noticing the breakfast fruit. Phichit was proud of him. Ciao Ciao hadn’t had a _single_ mug of coffee yet and he noticed!

The magical powers of Yuuri getting laid, probably. Wakes up the entire world. It was a good thing that he didn’t live in Detroit anymore because about half of the student population would mourn the loss of Yuuri’s bachelorhood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! I have internet again! By which I mean, my computer has an external wifi card. Did you know that your computer's internal wifi card can shit itself into the grave? Because I didn't until it actually happened to me. Jesus.
> 
> Anyway, in celebration of my return to being able to actually check my email and tag things freely on tumblr, I have given you this! Huzzah! Also, I'm trying to mess with the formatting of this fic because. Uh. The end note from the first chapter? Is traveling? Across the entire fic? So I'm essentially trying to. Stop that. Yeah.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed! Because I sure as hell had fun writing it.
> 
> \--Edit--
> 
> I AM THE MASTER COMMANDER! I HAVE STOPPED THE TRAVELING FOOTNOTE. HELL. FUCKING. YES.
> 
> \--Edit #2--
> 
> Nothing major, I just wanted you guys to know that the Irish wolfhound Phichit mentioned getting walked on campus was actually inspiration taken from my own college campus? Her name was Kate and I loved her. She was Such A Good Dog.


	4. Chapter 4

Waking up with Victor leaves Yuuri feeling boneless and with an endlessly deep well of satisfaction. He usually isn’t one to wake up with the sun--mornings are an absolute evil and the only people awake are old fishermen and Yuuri’s mother. But the morning after Victor’s heat breaks? With Victor beautiful and drooling in his arms? He doesn’t begrudge his instincts for wanting to protect this treasure, not this time. Not when he gets to watch Victor sleep peacefully, no longer suffering the throes of his heat and all the more beautiful for it.

There are marks left on Victor’s body. Yuuri can’t bring himself to care, not when they show just how well Victor took them and how beautifully he wears them. They show that someone as amazing as Victor, who single-handedly revolutionized skating by starting the quads race and who never chose to start a family in favor of becoming the Golden Boy of Russia, can choose a dumpy Alpha like Yuuri.

Yuuri holds no illusions about his appearance and ability to lure in any omegas interested. He knows that the attention he received in public school was all obligation-towards-a-town-hero or pity-for-the-fat-kid. But here he is, 23 years old and with a beautiful man octopusing him so badly that it thoroughly shows his intent on never letting anything separate their sleeping bodies.

How the hell had Yuuri even managed it?

Whatever. He gets to sigh like a lovesick puppy to Yuuko about how he somehow landed their mutual childhood crush. Like, sure, Yuuri knows that Victor probably won’t share another heat with him ever again since he indulged his curiosity, but it was amazing.

It was...it was so sexy that Yuuri could find himself pregnant a few months down the line even though he doesn’t even have to proper equipment to even begin to carry a child to term. Like, Phichit would probably declare that Shame Fic was some sort of weird prophecy ending in a miracle baby and five poodles in the picturesque Russian countryside.

Yuuri, however, has no clue what blackout Yuuri even was thinking with that ending. He suffered enough in _Detroit_ with the cold, how could he survive _Russia_?

“Yuuri?” Victor mumbles out, squinting unattractively as his brain boots up with the new day. He’s beautiful and Yuuri is so, so fucked.

“Hi,” Yuuri says with a gentle smile that he hopes doesn’t betray the depth of how deeply fucked he is.

“Good,” Victor mumbles to himself and squeezes tighter to Yuuri. “You didn’t go find Nishigori. I kept you here.”

Nishigori? What?

“I had to protect you,” Yuuri says a little dumbly. Victor makes him dumb. It’s a problem. “I said, didn’t I?”

Victor just hums, not actually answering Yuuri but cuddling closer anyway. The man’s like a furnace, Yuuri finally notices. Not the feverish heat of, well, his heat, but also running hotter than Yuuri and the rest of his family _and_ Phichit. They’re so close that Yuuri can both hear and feel Victor’s stomach grumbling for food.

“Come on, let’s go get breakfast. Mom’ll be awake and she’ll probably be prepping her breakfast around now. She won’t mind two more,” Yuuri urges Victor, deciding to take his mind off Victor’s comment and focusing on Victor’s needs.

Er, post-heat needs, at least.

Non-sexual post-heat needs. In all honesty, Yuuri would be more than happy to help with sexual post-heat needs; he just isn’t entirely sure when Victor last ate something that wasn’t a grudging nibble or spite chomp. Or even if Victor would be interested in more sex considering the past few days were nothing but.

Victor sighs and a bit of Yuuri’s soul flutters away on that tiny exhale. Ridiculously blue eyes open again.

“Five more minutes?” Victor asks and Yuuri agrees without even thinking.

  


As it turns out, Hiroko is not the only one awake in the inn at ass o’clock in the morning. Literally almost everyone is there. Mari’s there, Yuuko and Yurio are there, Minako is passed out on a table nearby surrounded by empty liquor bottles. The only person missing is Yuuri’s dad, but he’s probably sleeping off the hangover somewhere. Minako wouldn’t have let herself go like that without Toshiya egging her on.

“Once!” Mari huffs as Yuuri and Victor settle at the table. “Just _once_ I’d like to go a month without seeing my little brother’s dick!”

“Morning,” Yuuko chirps, eyes sweeping over Yuuri’s nakedness and Victor’s properly worn (for once) jinbei. “How long do you think post-heat’s gonna take?”

“I’m good to go now,” Victor breezily responds.

Yuuko nods and then looks at Yuuri. Yuuri shrinks a little in on himself under her calm, unwavering gaze.

“I won’t be at the rink for...a while,” he says, thinking of the way even helping Victor into his clothes had caused his skin to crawl. The fabric was too rough, too constricting, too warm.

It’s not like he was Christophe Giacometti, after all. He couldn’t just show up at the rink scantily clad or, worse, naked.

Besides, Yuuko’s mother had banned Yuuri from the rink during his ruts after his presentation. You fall into rut after seeing a beautiful program performed in a lingerie outfit _once_ and all of a sudden your dad can’t stop making cracks about the time you full on hissed at the old lady who runs the local conbini because she had been attempting to change the channel and then did the Xena warcry to declare battle when someone actually tried to turn the rink TV off. It isn’t even like Yuuri’s dad had any room to speak--he abandoned the rink immediately in favor of making Yuuri’s mom deal with it _and_ he’s a drunken, half-dressed mess literally every single week. He’s _such_ a hypocrite.

“Yuuri’s banned from the rink after his ruts,” Yuuko tells Victor, noticing the way his face had darkened a little. “At least until he can handle putting on clothes again.”

Victor’s expression brightens and he glances over appreciatively at Yuuri’s naked physique.

“So this is normal then?”

“Unfortunately,” Mari mutters. She has seen things she wishes she’s never had to have witnessed in the first place.

Part of Yuuri wants to be embarrassed, but the other part just wants Mari to understand that nakedness is just another part of life that doesn’t need to be confined to the onsen. She’d understand if she would just hit second puberty already. Even Victor didn’t put up a fight about Yuuri’s refusal to wear clothes and he’s half-convinced himself that Yuuri could actually make himself leave Victor for Nishigori and his horde of children.

“I’m a little surprised that Yuuri-kun is letting you walk around clothed though, Victor,” Yuuko smiles like she isn’t a devious little shit. “I thought for sure he’d argue against it.”

“Victor was cold,” Yuuri sniffs, giving Yuuko the stink eye.

As if he’d make Victor flaunt the marks Yuuri gave him. Victor took them so wonderfully and they marked up his skin so beautifully, but he also had shivered because his body hadn’t acclimated back from his fever-state properly. Yuuri’s ego could take a hike when it came down to stupid Alpha smug self-satisfaction and properly caring for Victor post-heat.

“My Yuuri has been taking great care of me,” Victor says smugly. He’s watching Yuuri softly, like Yuuri is precious and needs to be cushioned away and protected. Like Victor saw the Alpha bravado and looked past it to find a soft, squishy Yuuri at the center, perfect to nest around. Like he wants to keep Yuuri just as much as Yuuri wants to keep him. 

The sound of a shutter click forces Yuuri’s attention away from Victor and towards its source. Yuuko.

“Phichit will be _more_ than happy with this, I think,” she muses and sends the picture she just took to Phichit from _Yuuri’s own phone._

“What have you done,” Yuuri whispers in horror.

Who knows the sort of shit Phichit would pull with a picture like _that?_ Phichit used to regularly send suggestive photos of himself to alphas to get free food! Yuuri had to scent the room _extra hard_ whenever he did it to make the alphas leave faster! Those rooms never held any scent! It was a pointless disaster! Giving Phichit any sort of leverage for anything ever always led to disaster!

Victor’s phone goes off cheerfully. He makes a gleeful sound. Then it turns to utter amazement.

“I didn’t know that Phichit wrote fanfiction!” He beams, his mouth a heart.

“What?” Yuuri says through dry lips. He can practically feel his entire world begin to end.

“Phichit! I didn’t know he wrote fanfiction! He just uploaded the picture Yuuko sent him to my _favorite fic of all time!_ It’s about us!”

“Oh?” Yuuri could practically hear his heart drumming in his ears. It was a wonder no one else picked it up.

“Yeah! It’s called Skating Towards Your Horizon! The author--well, Phichit I guess--hasn’t updated in _forever_ , but look! This new chapter! It’s literally an excuse to share this photo of us! And it really _is_ a good one, especially because your head hasn’t seen a comb in three days and still looks that good.”

This is it, Yuuri decides. The day he dies. The day he wakes up. Either, or. There’s no possible way that Victor read RPF of their fictional lives together. Especially not RPF that Yuuri wrote under the influence in college.

He knew Yuuko was going to ruin his life somehow. He just didn't know she'd do the underhanded thing and go through Phichit to do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yuuri.exe has stopped functioning
> 
>  
> 
> haha hey everyone, surprise update! I honestly meant for this to go up yesterday on CHRISTMAS because THIS FIC IS A GIFT (just in general, but for you too. Especially anyone who commented, even if I didn't reply. I read each and every one and felt warm and tingly inside), but hey, i also wanted to do a quick read through when I WASN'T a wee bit tipsy. And hey, it's not terrible! I was especially impressed considering how burned out I've been thanks to work. Like, look at me, good job sheepsleet, pat on back and gold star and all. So yeah, happy holidays everyone! I hope you enjoyed this latest chapter!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back with another ROUSING chapter of Screwed Either Way! Sorry for the radio silence, I'm currently trying to get back in the groove of writing because guess who hit a mixture of writer's block AND culture shock. That's right folks, I am currently now teaching English (and dying) in South Korea! It's fun because the kids are fun, but actually trying to teach? While I speak barely any Korean? Godawful.
> 
> Anyway, I'm sorry if the quality isn't quite up to snuff, but honestly I just had to get the ball rolling again and flex my writer's muscle again.

Yuuri doesn’t remember how, but he somehow manages to escape the Shame Fic conversation mostly unscathed. Only mostly though because he doesn’t think he’s ever going to mentally recover. He thinks he maybe fainted when his mind blue-screened and died like an old Windows XP computer. All he can say for sure is that he woke up back in Victor’s nest and no one brought up the subject again.

Considering that entire shitshow and the way that Victor’s absolutely skeevy heat has panned out, Yuuri can say that he’s on Cloud 9. Like, no lie, he is definitely possibly the happiest he’s ever been, save for the day he taught Vicchan to bail him out of trouble with the puppy eyes he never outgrew. And Vicchan’s loss is still like a hollow within his chest that feels like failure and is shaped like undying love and loyalty, but Yuuri can finally breathe something that doesn’t sound like a sob curled around self-hatred.

On the one hand, Victor’s heat had so many false-ends to it that Yuuri had started wondering if Victor was taking like, omega viagra or some sort of equivalent. But on the other? It was some pretty damn mind-blowing sex. Like, wow, Yuuri thought his weird pubescent dreams about like licking Victor’s armpits and sucking hickies in places like the back of Victor’s knees was out there. 

And quite possibly the best part was enjoying the afterglow with Victor. Somehow, it had never crossed Yuuri’s mind that Victor “Five Time Worlds Champion And Also A Motherfucking Olympian” Nikiforov would be clingier than an octopus on ecstasy.

Also, regarding the octopus on ecstasy thing? He read an article. Octopuses are usually pretty antisocial up until they get drugged up on ecstasy. Then they turn cuddly. He never would have thought the same thing would apply to The Omega That Set Off Yuuri’s Unfortunate Sexual Awakening At Age 12, but the untouchable Victor “Stop Sucking Hickies Behind My Knees And Shove Your Dick In Me Already” Nikiforov loved being touched.

Yuuri is so, so, so glad that he doesn’t live with Phichit anymore. He is 780% positive that Phichit would have blasted Sexual Healing at some point of Victor’s heat and then laugh at Yuuri whenever he’d pop a boner the next time it came on the workout playlist. He’s like Pavlov’s dog, only easier to train because his thoughts circle around how sexy Victor is regardless of whether he’s in class, defending territory, or hungover.

Also, it means that he and Victor sometimes have sex outside of their cycles. It’s amazing.

“Yuuri, we need to talk,” Victor mumbles, cutting through Yuuri’s cloud of post-orgasmic bliss like Celestino that one time he heard Yuuri was at a frat party the night before he had to go on a trans-Pacific flight for Nationals. Brad Braunschweiger (a hockey player who kept trying to boast about his dick despite looking, weirdly enough, like the human equivalent of a sausage) never recovered from Celestino’s…Italian-ness. Phichit might joke that Celestino is hailed as some sort of Super Alpha by the frats, but Yuuri isn’t so sure they’re really jokes anymore.

“Talk?” Yuuri echoes, immediately trying to tell himself and his anxiety that Victor doesn’t want to go back to Russia and never talk to him again now that he rode his dick, both in and out of heat.

“About some things I said,” Victor mumbled, “When I was in heat.”

Victor said a lot of things in heat. He said that Yuuri made amazing blanket forts. He said that Nishigori was ridiculously fecund. He said he wouldn’t bug Yuuri if Mari would just give him Yuuri’s bedsheets, then bugged Yuuri about it anyway until he joined him as his heat partner.

“You weren’t lying about my dick not being too small, were you?” is the first thing that comes out of Yuuri’s traitor mouth.

He wasn’t even thinking about it, but his mouth had to go off before his brain could get there and then he set off his own damn anxiety. If there was one thing his time in America did, it was give him a Complex after he won all the dormitory territory wars about assholes who kept saying he had a small dick because he was Japanese. Phichit would always tell him that those were just sore losers, but how could Phichit even know?! Maybe he did have a small dick because he was Japanese, only Phichit couldn’t know because it wasn’t like Yuuri would go slinging his dick around the room! Minako would somehow find out that Yuuri was being an Alpha of the Worst Kind and find a way to murder him long distance. Celestino would have deported him! Phichit would have castrated him! Victor smacked Yuuri’s chest halfheartedly, breaking his train of thoughts, before he snuggled closer.

“Don’t be stupid,” he snorts. It’s weirdly relieving. “You’re perfect.”

“Well, what is it then?” Yuuri says doubtfully.

“I don’t actually want children,” he admits. “I know I said that I did and that I’d go off birth control, but that was...I don’t know. I think maybe hormones. I don’t actually want it.”

“Oh thank God, I can go back to shoving Dad’s dreams of having enough grandchildren to fill the roster for Sagan Tosu at Mari,” is the first thing out of Yuuri’s mouth. “I mean, do you want to talk about it?” 

“Why are you and your sister like this?” Victor wonders out loud.

“Look, between me and Mari, Mari’s the one who should have kids because she’s going to take over the onsen,” Yuuri says seriously. “Mom just wants grandkids, even if she has to steal them from playgrounds, and Dad just wants a soccer team. Since none of us want my mom to get arrested, it’s down to either me or Mari.”

Yuuri doesn’t bother touching the secondary gender thing. Anyway, the only people who believe that Alphas and omegas are meant to have an entire baseball team of kids are outdated and outspoken and completely unrelated to the issue at hand. They already had their chance for children. They don’t get to decide Yuuri’s future for him.

“And here I thought the worst thing about pregnancy would have been some parasite feeding off everything you ingest and then trying to force its way out of my body like in that one alien movie,” Victor murmurs. “Now we have to worry about Mama getting arrested if I don’t let it happen.”

“We’ve still got time,” Yuuri assures him. “Yurio is here.”

Victor looks at Yuuri with a look of blank incomprehension. Well, if he hadn’t noticed the way Hiroko had started mothering Yurio, Yuuri wasn’t going to bring any attention to it. If Victor mentioned anything to Yurio about the issue, Yuuri could see tears, angry yelling, and Hiroko will suddenly become way more friendly to the town police than anyone in the Katsuki household is comfortable with. Yurio, if nothing else, is easy to predict.

“Really, relax, it’s fine,” Yuuri tries to reassure him and then goes back to snuggling. “We can buy time by getting more dogs.”

Victor relents at that and finally gives in to the cuddles and the orgasm-induced exhaustion. Even with his hair plastered to his sweaty forehead, he’s beautiful. He’s beautiful and complimented Yuuri’s blanket fort skills and even Yuuri’s family, even if they never hit second puberty and have terrible habits. And he apparently read Yuuri’s Shame Fic, which he has no right to be reading, and it serves him right that Yuuri left the sequel on a cliffhanger. He’s never going to reveal the truth of whether the coffee shop doppelganger was actually a stalker angling for omega Yuuri’s ass, a hopeful for the threesome that never happened in the original fic, or just a scapegoat.

Never.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, that's the chapter! Brought to you by a mix of sleep deprivation, culture shock, and weird snacks I keep finding. Did you know that Pringles has a Sweet Mayo Cheese flavor? Because it does. Did you know that 7-11s in foreign countries are not the skeevy places that they are in America? Because they aren't! They're also a lot tinier here.........
> 
> Did you know I can't flush my toilet paper because the pipes can't handle it?
> 
> Stay tuned for more updates on both the fic and me figuring out how to acclimate to a foreign country where I'm not even supposed to drink the tap water. At least the bottled water here is cheap....I bought two 2-liters of water for like, a buck.


End file.
